I Relent, Why?
I have been considering doing a blog of my own for a while (of course, who hasn’t?). I have long read about the benefits of blogging … for journaling, for connecting, for venting, etc. Well, I’m taking the leap as I make a number of other changes and hope to use it as a place to log my progress, thoughts, reminders, and inspiration.
You see, I hate being an entrepreneur, not that I believe any other work choice is any better. In fact, I think it can be the best way to deal with the problem of work and life and the life/work balance equation if done right. It’s just that I have recently hit my breaking point. Working 70 hours a week, not making the progress I know should have been made, seeing less and less of my family … all of this has combined to leave me wondering why I don’t run away to some remote island, live on the beach and scavenge for food. Well, the answer to that question always come back to my family.
My wife and I are blessed to have four great kids and my greatest desire is for them to grow up with the best and most correct views on life … what it should all be about, and how to best live the kind of life that will bring happiness and fulfillment. Does that all sound a bit cheesy? Well, it’s what I’m goin’ for nonetheless.
So, I Relent, why?
Well, the word relent has come to have a few meanings for me. First, it fits with my current view of my life as an entrepreneur. I, RELuctant ENTrepreneur, have real misgivings about the “commercial” world and my heretofore place in it. I believe business can be a great force for good, offering products and services that can benefit the lives of consumers and jobs to those struggling to support their families. I also believe that my life has become too “commercial” with an overabundance of time and attention given to the making and spending of money. My mind has become so dominated with these issues, that I have all too often forgotten how great my wife and children are and how good my life is outside of the “what do you do?” issue.
Also, the definition of “relent” is most often associated with giving up, which is what I am going to do. Not giving up on life or the dreams I have for my family, but I am giving up on my cultural training and upbringing. I was raised to believe that the more you worked, the better person you were. The more time spent on the “busy”ness of business, the more successful you were. I don’t think I believe either of those propositions anymore. While working has its benefits (and an overabundance of leisure is probably more dangerous than an overabundance of work) I no longer feel like work is the “end all, be all” of existence. And I know that I have spent too much time working on those things of lower importance and effectiveness over the last ten years of my life (wow, a decade and nearly a third of my life given to the wrong things, ouch). And indiscriminant busy-ness has shown itself to the anti-thesis of success in my life. So yes, I relent, I give up, but I believe that what I’m giving up is not worth much anyway, and that what I’m giving it up for is of far greater value, excitement and interest. And this will, I hope, be the subject of this blog. How do I go about living a new kind of life in a new way (for me at least)? I have a number of ideas on how to do this, none fully fleshed out, and a number of inspirations and guides that I’ll share as well. This blog itself is one of the expirements I hope will bring me along in my goals. I hope that by writing and thinking about these issues I can remain motivated and focused on my “end game”.
Also, I love the primary definition given for relent in the Answers.com dictionary. It is …
To become more lenient, compassionate, or forgiving. To cause to soften in attitude or temper.
This has also become one of my recent goals, both for my wife and children’s sake as well as for my own.
So there it is. I, RELENT. If you have found your way here and are up for it, please leave some comments or email me — tom(at)irelent(dot)com — with your advice, story, or criticism. Thanks. Tom.
2 Comments so far
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Tom,
First, thanks for your comments and your article mentioning SlowDownNow.
I very much like the definition of relent. This softening attitude, one of more compassion, is something I have noticed in me too. Others even remark on it. I used to be more rigid, brittle, defended. Getting older brings its benefits. Perhaps this is, in some small measure, wisdom. Our culture in America doesn’t value consideration and reflection—or so we may be led to believe.
If you were to believe the media you would think that social media is only for the young. You would believe those in their middle years and beyond are hopelessly technologically inept. The media has always aimed itself at the lowest common denominator. It has touted subjects we are supposed to be interested in. It paints a distorted view of the world. Well, any view of the world is necessarily distorted. But the media rarely says, “I don’t know.” There is always a dogmatic position. This is right. That is wrong, Ain’t it awful.
Time is a non-renewable resource, and for me, I simply have no time to be talked at on subjects of not of my choosing.
I saw a TV program when I was a child. It was a look into the next 25 years. The idea was that technology would save us from having to work. What would we do with all that leisure? It was thought to be a serious problem. We can use technology to make our lives better. But everywhere I look technology is using people. So many are enslaved by their mobile phones or PDAs.
Commerce is necessary. I am a business person too. Capitalism started by providing much needed goods and services. However, now in the West we have to create desire for products and services that people don’t need. It is a consequence of wealth, but individuals have choices. There are many much needed goods and services around the world that not being supplied. Those needs can only be supplied by commerce.
I am an independent writer and marketing consultant and I use a “slow” approach effectively. I slow my clients down. It is in their best interest and mine. I schedule all phone calls by email. Because I base my fee on an hourly rate, that hour is for my client only. I concentrate. I don’t allow interruptions. When they buy time from me that is what they get. Not everyone can tolerate this. They feel they need instant access and the ability to interrupt. Those clients are not for me.
I agree with you about work not being the “be all and end all”, but when you work 70 hours a week, how can it not be, at least for now?
The ancient Hindu view of the world divided life up into discrete stages, with the one being about the age of 50 was to say goodbye to family, work, and social responsibilities and seek the inner world. The Greeks knew all about this. Our culture is still very much influenced by the Greeks. Plato had laid more emphasis on society. There was no stage of individual realization in western culture. We became only social and political animals. This is the dominant cultural view today, and if we think our identity is only social and economic then that leaves an empty space. Looking into that space can be scary.
There a recent study done with three groups. They were all given a task that required concentration. One group sat in a room with no interruptions. A second group was stoned on marijuana, and the third group was interrupted by participants’ mobile phones. Not surprisingly, the first group did the best. But what is surprising, is that the marijuana group did better than the busy group. I am not advocating marijuana, but it does point to waste caused by too much interruption. Don’t you think that even a busy life can have some respite by practicing inner calm?
Part of slowing down for me has been what to eliminate. I’m sure having four children makes your life active, and toleration or relenting as you put it seems a sane attitude.
Yours in slowness,
Christopher
www.SlowDownNow.org
The “almost” serious antidote to workaholism
[…] of mind” for me. It is also one of the definitions of relent that I discussed in my first post on this blog. Leo from ZenHabits has a post on cultivating compassion with a specifically Buddhist bent. I am […]