After returning from a fun weekend with family, you’d think that I would be motivated to jump back into work and “the grind”. But I’m not. In fact, I’m also worse off than before I left. Yesterday was a terrible day at work, full of disctractions and attitudes. I got very little done and even fewer important things done.

Today started the same, so I re-routed my mindset and decided to “clear some space”. I’ve read that a common Buddhist (read: mystical, East oriented, completely hip and cool — whatever) practice is to clean up your space when you feel stuck or down. Well, I decided to relent on this point and give it a try. I took a couple of hours to clean a closet that has needed it for about a year as well as some of my personal (read: bedside) space. It has been so junked up for so long that it has weighed on my mind as one of many “must get around to” items.

I still haven’t gotten much done today, but I feel like it wasn’t a wasted day like yesterday turned out to be. And I have more energy and might even get around to some work tonight, if the “goddess of beauty and brilliance” doesn’t have other plans! I even had some ideas for work as I was doing the fairly mindless “sort and toss” work of cleaning and reorganizing.

Lesson learned … this time, anyway. Next time work is going south, I’ll try to find an outlet that allows for greater energy as well as a break from the drudgery.

We all have limited energy supplies and time availability, which is why effectiveness and efficiency are so important. Given the “choice in a vacuum”, I would much rather spend my time watching a movie, playing a round of golf, or surfing the web than working diligently for the next three hours, or mowing the lawn, or exercising vigorously. The latter activities are “effort driven” for me and are, therefore, difficult to “get to” sometimes. The former actvities sound like fun, or at least relaxing and are, in turn, much easier to “get to”.

The quality of these activities is defined by the outcomes of each. While lazing around and watching a movie sounds fun right now and will be enjoyable during, I know that if that is all I do today I will feel an energy drain and guilt shortly after it is done. This will then make it less likely that I will have the energy to work on those more important and “goal directed” activities.

If I instead spend the next three hours (or however long is needful) working diligently on important things, I will feel energized and excited about what I’ve accomplished shortly after I’m done. That doesn’t sound like fun right now, but once in “the flow” and working towards a recognized goal, even the work itself becomes fun and rewarding. I am then more likely to continue in healthy and productive activities, which under the right circumstances can include watching a movie, golfing or surfing the web.

So the secret is to look past “this moment” (I know this goes against so much of the “New Agey” “in the now” literature, but it works for me) into the future of likely outcomes and results. Is the activity I am about to engage in going to further increase my energy and help me reach my goals? Or will it likely reduce my energy and ability to accomplish those things I have acknowledged as important?

It strikes me that another important concept related to this is the idea of “unstringing the bow”. The need to welcome and seek times of rest and play is real and important. 24/7 focus on accomplishing goals and working without relent is clearly not a way to live or die. These rest periods offer perspective, growth, rebuilding of reserves and strength and much else in the way of benefit. It’s about the chronology of the day and the order of the tasks. When those important things have been attended to, the movie, golf, or other “fun” activity are a lot easier to swallow. Just do those important “effort driven”, “goal directed” things first, then move on to the rewards, both intrinsic and extrinsic.

My family and I just returned from a very quick jaunt to northern Wyoming for a cousin’s high school graduation (congrats Lauren!). We had a great time with the extended family and spent HOURS at the hotel pool, all fun!

I then spent a bit of time catching up in Google Reader and found a great list from Leo at ZenHabits. Handbook for Life: 52 Tips for Happiness and Productivity is a very useful list of tips to try out with the goal of enhancing your life in mind. Many of these ideas are currently on a similar list of my own, and some are new. After reading through the list I feel like I have found my long-lost twin!

The whole “morning and evening routine” thing is something I know I need to do, but struggle with. With the demands of my children at night, and the whole “Are you freakin’ kidding me?! It’s five a.m.!” thing in the morning, trying to create a routine at those times is difficult. Oh well, most things worth doing are, I think this will be my expirement for the week.

I read my first Drucker book over a decade ago (it was The Effective Executive) and it was really my first taste of business management theory and writing.

I loved it and became hooked on business writings as a result of that book. Lately I’ve tried to temper my thirst for such writing because it has become inconsistent with my current goals and desired mindset. While I still enjoy reading it, I have found other, more fundamental writing (scripture, philosophy, and some history) more beneficial in this stage of my life.

That said, I still have great respect for Drucker and just about anything he says. With that in mind, I read an article pointed to by some now forgotten blog post (sorry to whomever brought it to my attention) that needs summarizing for my future use. If you care nothing for Drucker, ignore this post, it is for me … I think it holds great insight and advice.

The last paragraph grabbed and convinced me that I should pay attention to this article, if he (who had WAY more experience and brains than I have) sees these ideas as fundamental, I should at least pay attention. It is …

I am telling this long story for a simple reason. All the people I know who have managed to remain effective during a long life have learned pretty much the same things I learned. That applies to effective business executives and to scholars, to top-ranking military people and to first-rate physicians, to teachers and to artists. Whenever I work with a person, I try to find out to what the individual attributes his or her success. I am invariably told stories that are remarkably like mine.

With that in mind, here are the lessons as I read and understand them …

1. Strive for perfection. It will always elude me, but that only obligates me take one more try at it.
2. Strive for perfection even if only God notices. He uses “the gods”, I use God, but the idea is the same. There are some things we do that nobody else sees, they are often the fundamental activities or attitudes that only show themselves in the shadows of our daily work. They will, in the end though, either lead to true success and happiness or inevitable shame and disintegration of life and more importantly, the soul.
3. Continue to learn and stretch yourself intellectually. Drucker would spend three to four year periods studying something new. He did this to broaden his horizons, which in turn helped him develop new methodologies and understand different assumptions. I think this practice would both be a continuous source of interest as well as very grounding. What should I start with?
4. Spend extended time each year in self-evaluation. Drucker would spend two weeks each summer looking back on the successes and failures of the year … what did I do well? what did I not do well? what did I not do at all? Using these answers, project forward the next year with … what things should I concentrate on? what things should I seek to improve on? what things do I need to learn? what should I stop doing? This practice is really a natural outgrowth of 1-3, but if used well and honestly could change life within two years (I believe).
5. Ask myself: What do I need to do in this (new or old) thing to be truly effective? Drucker pins this specifically to NEW pursuits, jobs, tasks, etc. But honestly, he probably could because he had a high degree of faith in his ability in old or ongoing activities. I don’t have that confidence, I almost certainly could improve dramatically in many of the things I’ve done for years. This will hopefully change as I practice items 1-4, but for now, might as well reevaluate it all.
6. Anticipate results and track actual outcomes. I’ve read about this in a few different places, but never tried it, I think I will. The basic idea is that as you are making a big decision or starting a large strategic effort, write down what you plan to do and what you think will happen as a result. Then revisit these thoughts down the road a month or a year or whatever is appropriate. You should learn quite a bit during this process, of which a few things would be … what did I not anticipate, and why? what habits need to change? what did I do well in the process? what did I do poorly? what are my strengths? what are my weaknesses?
7. What do I want to be remembered for? Drucker points out that what we want to be remembered for will most likely change as we age and mature, but that in the end, we should strive to make a positive difference in the lives of other people. This mindset not only has the most lasting impact, but is also the most worthy and of the most worth.

So there are some points of action that I can start to use. I think I’ll start a log of decision making. I’ll plan on spending a day or two in self-evaluation. I’ll come up with a study item for the next few years (I’m actually really excited about this one). And I’ll start striving more faithfully for perfection in completing projects and “doing the right things right”!

So putting aside the possibility that I have a slight man crush on Tiger Woods, he is in my opinion in the top three examples of the “ultimate athlete”. Some might argue about a golfer being termed an athlete, but I don’t in his case. In fact, I think that his athleticism and “sport ethic” is THE THING that sets him apart from his competitors (I say “sport ethic” as a substitute for “work ethic”). I personally feel that golf is the single most difficult sport to dominate, because of the format of competition and also because of the heavy reliance on the “mental side” that golf requires on each and every shot. And yet, Tiger has dominated the sport in ways that almost seem like the results of typos, not actual game play. Anyway, I am fascinated with the way Tiger Woods does what he does, and yes, I think how he does it relates to my own goals.

One thing that strikes me about most of what you hear about Tiger is the absolute focus he brings to everything he does. Apparently, he became an accomplished black diamond skier in a ridiculously short time (if you haven’t ever skied, trust me, it’s impressive) and tackles pretty much anything he does with undeviating energy. A recent post from Businesspundit (a blog well worth visiting, Rob is razor sharp in dissecting true value from true fluff) shares an anectdote about seeing Tiger on the practice range. Needless to say, he was practicing in a way that most don’t, certainly not the way I do. He spent at least four hours hitting with just one club … a 7-iron. I think that speaks to his focus and ability to seek improvement where others would say “good enough”. I think the results he has achieved also speak to his ability to focus on the right things for his desired accomplishments. My guess is that there are a number of other professional golfers that spend just as much time as Tiger does on their game (if not more), but he dominates them why? Talent? Sure. But that only gets you so far and is often a barrier to true success (think Maurice Clarett and Ohio State) even in “talent driven” pursuits. I think the “something more” is his ability to see what activities hold the greatest potential benefit for HIM.

My goals are not the same as Tiger’s, which is why I won’t be spending 4 hours+ on a practice range with my entire bag, let alone one club, but I believe the lesson is in the commitment to “getting it right”. The key is the mindset of constant and consistent improvement, whether that is for the perfect 7-iron shot, or the ideally balanced day of family and work time. The ability to not “settle” and continue to pursue my unique (just as everybody’s own is to them) concept of perfection is critical to my happiness and ability to live on terms I am comfortable with and even excited about. The secret is not in the doing, but in the “doing right things right”.

A guest post on ZenHabits takes on the issue of a fast paced world and the benefits of slowing it down. The guest post was written by Christopher Richards, author of SlowDownNow.org, a site I will take some time to look over … when I get a chance .

I had a conversation with my eight year old son the other day that has been on my mind since. He was asking when his “half-birthday” would fall … his birthday is in February, so his “half-birthday” will be in August. Anyway, he then asked if I would be getting him any presents for this so called “half-birthday”! I told him, of course, I wouldn’t and that Christmas is just a short time away and he would get plenty of gifts then. After the expected groan, I said, “But wasn’t Christmas just like … yesterday? And that was about half a year ago, and we only have another half of a year to go until the next one. Just be patient, it will come before you know it.” He rolled his eyes and said back, “Christmas was forever ago, and I don’t think I can wait that long before getting more presents!”

Aside from the obvious issue of overblown expectations regarding constant gift receiving, I was thinking about the difference between his and my perceptions of six months. The thing is, I feel like the flow of time has been increasing exponentially for the past decade or so. Ever since I got married, started working, had a child, started my own business, had a few more children … you get the idea. What is interesting to me is that as time has become more important and the supply of “ultimate time” (the time ’til I die!) diminishes, it seemingly moves faster. Not that time itself is speeding up, but my perception of it reads it differently. Like a baseball hitter in the zone can “slow the ball down” through awareness and perception. But right now, I see a fastball coming not at 95mph, but more like 250mph. And if six months feels like a day or two, that means I have about 4 months to live! And in about three weeks my eight year old son will move out of the house and starts his own “accelerated life line”.

This does have to do with my goals. Part of what I want to create is a slower lifestyle that is more apt to slower, more connective moments with my wife and kids. So, I don’t have the financial resources to do this right now, but I am learning that money is often irrelevant where creativity can pick up the slack. I need to figure out some strategies, tricks and actions I can take to slow my life down. And I need to do it now, not only for my own sake, but to try and teach my kids a better way of living. Example is everything in raising children and they will almost certainly stay on the path I helped establish for them.

So like I said, I will be reading more on SlowDownNow.org, but first I’ve got about two weeks of work to get through today!

If you haven’t heard of this book, then you’ve either been in a coma for the last month or you spend more time having fun offline than online (good for you!). I can’t say that this book is the source of my current viewpoint or frustrations or of really anything. The fact is, I have been feeling like a deferred-life slave for a couple of years now. This book has given me some vocabulary and mindsets to work with, but I have known about these strategies for quite some time.

What this book has done for me is give me a kick in the pants to get going on some things that have been in the planning stage for a loooong time. I turn 34 in a less than a month, and I am far short of where I’d hoped to be at this point in my life. While I have never planned on retiring early (or otherwise), I do have some goals that require more time than my current lifestyle affords.

I am going to create a few posts out of the material in this book. I have implemented a few of the techniques and tips with (to me) pretty amazing early success, and gained a few hours a week in the process. For now, I would suggest you go buy The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich and get started on reading it. If you are “web worker” or just need some new ideas on strategies for what Tim Ferriss calls “Lifestyle Design”, you need this book.

It isn’t gospel, but it can be useful and eye opening if you can creatively conceive an implementation in your own life.

I have been considering doing a blog of my own for a while (of course, who hasn’t?). I have long read about the benefits of blogging … for journaling, for connecting, for venting, etc. Well, I’m taking the leap as I make a number of other changes and hope to use it as a place to log my progress, thoughts, reminders, and inspiration.

You see, I hate being an entrepreneur, not that I believe any other work choice is any better. In fact, I think it can be the best way to deal with the problem of work and life and the life/work balance equation if done right. It’s just that I have recently hit my breaking point. Working 70 hours a week, not making the progress I know should have been made, seeing less and less of my family … all of this has combined to leave me wondering why I don’t run away to some remote island, live on the beach and scavenge for food. Well, the answer to that question always come back to my family.

My wife and I are blessed to have four great kids and my greatest desire is for them to grow up with the best and most correct views on life … what it should all be about, and how to best live the kind of life that will bring happiness and fulfillment. Does that all sound a bit cheesy? Well, it’s what I’m goin’ for nonetheless.

So, I Relent, why?

Well, the word relent has come to have a few meanings for me. First, it fits with my current view of my life as an entrepreneur. I, RELuctant ENTrepreneur, have real misgivings about the “commercial” world and my heretofore place in it. I believe business can be a great force for good, offering products and services that can benefit the lives of consumers and jobs to those struggling to support their families. I also believe that my life has become too “commercial” with an overabundance of time and attention given to the making and spending of money. My mind has become so dominated with these issues, that I have all too often forgotten how great my wife and children are and how good my life is outside of the “what do you do?” issue.

Also, the definition of “relent” is most often associated with giving up, which is what I am going to do. Not giving up on life or the dreams I have for my family, but I am giving up on my cultural training and upbringing. I was raised to believe that the more you worked, the better person you were. The more time spent on the “busy”ness of business, the more successful you were. I don’t think I believe either of those propositions anymore. While working has its benefits (and an overabundance of leisure is probably more dangerous than an overabundance of work) I no longer feel like work is the “end all, be all” of existence. And I know that I have spent too much time working on those things of lower importance and effectiveness over the last ten years of my life (wow, a decade and nearly a third of my life given to the wrong things, ouch). And indiscriminant busy-ness has shown itself to the anti-thesis of success in my life. So yes, I relent, I give up, but I believe that what I’m giving up is not worth much anyway, and that what I’m giving it up for is of far greater value, excitement and interest. And this will, I hope, be the subject of this blog. How do I go about living a new kind of life in a new way (for me at least)? I have a number of ideas on how to do this, none fully fleshed out, and a number of inspirations and guides that I’ll share as well. This blog itself is one of the expirements I hope will bring me along in my goals. I hope that by writing and thinking about these issues I can remain motivated and focused on my “end game”.

Also, I love the primary definition given for relent in the Answers.com dictionary. It is …

To become more lenient, compassionate, or forgiving. To cause to soften in attitude or temper.

This has also become one of my recent goals, both for my wife and children’s sake as well as for my own.

So there it is. I, RELENT. If you have found your way here and are up for it, please leave some comments or email me — tom(at)irelent(dot)com — with your advice, story, or criticism. Thanks. Tom.